The Levi Files: Memories
by kyoasaurus
Summary: Sequel to 'Thoughts of a Lightning Bolt'. Levi's alive again and this time, a mysterious hot guy appears out of nowhere! Who is he and who the hell is this ugly 'Xanxus' dude? Levi/Xanxus, OOC, super-cracky, one-shot.


**A/N: **What the hell, I never put stuff up this fast.

I-I've gotten un-lazy... Anyway, read on for more Levi crackyness. Yay.

**Disclaimer: **I own KHR- *shot*

* * *

11:30am

Today, I woke up in a hospital bed. I was like, "WTF! WHERE THE HELL AM I?" until this white haired guy – or was it a girl?- started shouting at me. He was all "VOIII" and stuff and I have decided I don't like him.

Even though I don't know him.

Wait, why I am writing in this book? It could be some paedophile's camera disguised as a book… watching me…

SCARYY ARGHHHH.

11:46am

Okay, apparently my name is Levi A Than. I seemed to have lost my memory or something? OH WAIT SOMETHING'S COMING I THINK IT'S A MEMORY…

Ahhhh…

ERLACK I HAVE JUST SHIT MYSELF! NURSE!

12:05pm

Um, Diary, can you ignore that part? GOOD. Anyway, this guy came to visit me today. He had these FUGLY-ASS scars on his face and glowing red eyes like a FUCKING ROBOT. And he was so UGLY. Like the ugliest man in the WORLD. God, he was so UGLY that he was uglier than that Simon Cowell dude. Whoever he is.

Oh yes Diary, have you seen that picture of that handsome man? He got silky black hair (like OMG HOTNESS) and piercings on his face, like 'don't mess with me'. I like 'em wild.

Yes I do.

And he's even holding an umbrella. HOW PREPARED.

I think I'm in love, Diary.

12:19pm

WHO IS THAT GAY BASTARD WHO KEEPS TRYING TO RAPE ME?

I BELONG TO THAT MAN IN THE PICTURE AND ONLY HIM.

Obviously.

13:57pm

I got to go home today. Apparently I was 'dead' on the floor until some fucktard called Belphegor found me. Then he stabbed me but then that white haired guy took me to the hospital because he didn't want to find a new guardian.

Or something.

Okay, I don't really get this. Why is there a stack of umbrellas in the corner? Ooh, a pink spotty one! I WANNA OPEN IT.

Wheeeeee.

Whoooo.

Wheee.

Whooooo.

Wheeee.

ARGH MY HEAD GOT STUCK IN IT FFFFFF ANGRY FACE

Sometime later, I didn't check my Ben 10 watch.

After the whole head-stuck-in-umbrella thing, I went to find my 'family'. Ugh, they are such an ugly bunch compared to the picture-man. I wonder what his name is. Ah well, I will ask the gay man later.

When I wheeled into the kitchen in my awesome pink wheelchair, the gay man was naked except for this apron that said "Kiss the gay bastard". UH NO THANKS MAN.

EW I HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO GAY- MAN-WEARING-APRON PORN!

ARGHHHH.

Later later (why I am getting déjà vu?)

I looked out the window, admiring the sunset and all that crap when I saw two cats licking each other's asses.

WHAT I HAVE SEEN CAT PORN NOW.

WHY ME.

Later later later (déjà vu again?)

I switched on this 'laptop' thing today. You have to plug it in and press buttons and it's all very confusing. I opened up 'Firefox' or something, right, and isn't it a bit mean to set fire to a fox? I think that's animal abuse. Me? I would never hurt a puppy! NEVER.

MOVING ON. I went on this 'bookface' thing and it was so weird. And boring. Why do I only have two friends? But as I was about to log off, I suddenly noticed the handsome man!

YAY I KNEW MY PRINCE CHARMING WOULD COME FOR ME.

I clicked on his picture and I posted on his wall:

'_Hey sexy, wanna go out tonight?'_

LOLOLOL I AM SO SNEAKY AND SEDUCTIVE.

19:32pm

Eating dinner with my 'family' is not very nice. The 'voi' guy was eating this piece of meat, and I was like 'think of all the poor animals!'

I AM NOW A VEGAN THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

EVEN THOUGH I HAD FIVE PIECES OF STEAK AND AN EGG FOR DINNER.

Shhhhhhhh.

AND I AM NOT FAT. JUST BIG BONED.

20:12pm (oh lookie, it's the year we are all gonna DIE.)

OMGOMGOMG.

I HAVE FOUND THE BEST EMO MUSIC EVER.

EVER.

It's called the 'Fun Song' I think. It's so FREAKIN' good! Well, I don't really understand it but it sounds so sad and emo-ish ahhhh I must listen to it again.

20:34pm

WORDS CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW I'M FEELING. I HEAR YOU ASK 'WHY'.

HOTTIE REPLIED!

EEEEEEEEEEE!

He said:

'_Of course, beautiful, how could I turn down an offer like that? Ushishishi- I mean, no ushishishi.'_

Then I said:

'_Oh what a lovely laugh! I bet it sounds sexy *winkwink*'_

LULZ MY AWESOMENESS SHALL NEVER STOP.

21:35pm

Ooh a rubber ducky on the floor…

_*BANG*_

22:40pm 

WHO THE HELL HAS BEEN WRITING IN YOU DIARY? TELL ME NOW I WILL GO AND BURNNNNN THEM!

You know why?

THEY CALLED XAN-XAN…

UGLY!

OMFGWTFBBQ!11!

22:42pm

And what the heck? This guy's a fucking hippy. But I do feel sorry for him, being exposed to Lussuria porn and kitty porn. Wait, I remember that…

And this man is called 'Levi'…

COULD HE BE ME?

NONONONONONO I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED XAN-XAN UGLY!

22:57pm

I sloped around the Varia HQ, looking for my beloved, when I found his sitting next to the shark-tard on the sofa.

C-Could he be…betraying me… again?

I threw myself at his feet, holding on for dear life. "XANXUSSSSS MARRY MEEEEEE AND LEAVE THAT NO GOOD SHARK NOWWWW."

He kicked me off and started to kiss Squalo.

WHAT.

Later I think…

Oh no, he wasn't kissing him, he was just slapping him with his lips. GOOD FOR XANXUS.

Oh yeah, good news Diary-chan, WE ARE ENGAGED AGAIN YAYYY.

PARTY PARTY PARTY etc.

BRING OUT THE LIQUOR WE ARE GONNA PAR-TAY ALL NIGHT.

And all that shit.


End file.
